


Hate The Sin Love The Sinner

by julip



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Apologies, Cuddling, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, poor hammy, thomas is a jerk as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 05:06:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10869714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julip/pseuds/julip
Summary: "You think that an apology is going to get you anywhere? Didn't you hear the crowd? Didn't you hear your self?"thomas fucks up once again what a surprise





	Hate The Sin Love The Sinner

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: i realize lightbulbs hadn't been invented at this time, but lets just pretend that they were. Okay? Okay. Also, I'm pretty sure everyone knew that Hamilton was an orphan, but I kind of made it a big deal in this. RIP. This story is all over the place. I honestly started with one thing, then squished a bunch of other things into it and hoped for the best. Enjoy

When Hamilton and Jefferson started dating, they created two rules. 1.) to never show affection in public. And 2.) to never use anything personal against each other in a debate. Two rules that seemed quite simple, considering that they were always at each other's throats during cabinet meetings, strictly arguing about their contrasting political views.

However, during a specific convention, Thomas slipped up.

Of course, Thomas loved Alexander, and he would never purposely hurt the man. However, everyone makes mistakes, and in that moment, Thomas's mouth was running much faster than his brain.

"Why don't you cry to your mommy about your weak standpoints, Jefferson? Clearly what this nation needs is a strong, nat--"

"At least I have a mother, you uncultured orphan. Taxation is one of the reasons we split from Britain in the first place..."

It was almost as if the whole world was moving in slow motion as Jefferson realized what had just slipped out from his lips. He winced in disgust at his own words. He didn't even know why he said it. Alexander was the most sensitive person he knew--which wasn't a bad thing--and he knew things like his family bothered him. 

He didn't mean it, of course. Insulting someone when he had previously been insulted was just his natural method of defense. 

For once, he realized what he had said was wrong.

The crowd's eyes widened as Thomas trailed off. He heard a stack of papers slam onto the lectern beside him, followed by a shaky breath. He could faintly make out the sound of Washington's booming voice clearing the people from auditorium. 

There was a mixture of mumbles in the audience.

"Wow. That was low, even for Jefferson."

"Hamilton is an orphan?"

"Filthy orphan, no wonder he doesn't have manners; He's never been punished for his mistakes."

Jefferson just stood their, awestruck of how horrible people's words--including his own--could be. 

He wanted to turn to Alex and hold him and apologize for eternity, but he already had broken one rule. 

"Alex..." He whispered, voice cracking.

"Don't. Just don't." Alex snapped, shoving all his folders and papers into his bag in a rush.

Thomas began packing his things up as well. He heard Alexander's little footsteps hurry down the stairs. His hair covered his face as he bowed his head through the crowd.

"Alexander!"

Everything else was so loud, yet his voice was so, painfully quiet. 

****

Early on in their relationship, Alexander had given Thomas a spare key. 

He now regretted that decision more than anything.

He felt so betrayed by Jefferson that he never wanted to see his face ever again. It wasn't just what he said. It was how and where he said it. He had crushed Alexander's heart and trust in front of a giant group of people that his legacy depended on.

So, when Jefferson came bumbling into his house, of course Alexander was a tad angry.

"Stop following me! God, you're such a hassle! I don't want to deal with you and your broken promises anymore!" Alexander shouted, pointing his finger towards the door behind Thomas.

Thomas put his hands up in defense. "I understand that you're angry, and you have every right to be. I fucked up and I'm owning up to it. I know I've apologized a hundred times on the way here, but I just want to tell you that I'm truly very sorry."

Alexander's eyebrows furrowed. "You think that an apology is going to get you anywhere? Didn't you hear the crowd? Didn't you hear your self?"

Thomas opened his mouth and shut it. Alexander was right (as always). 

"Baby, I'm really sorry. I wasn't thinking. What I said was insensitive and rude and Immature. I'm not proud of it. I'm trying my best to be sincere and to not hurt you, but I slip up a lot. I'm sorry, and I love you very much."

Alexander sighed, plopping down on the sofa behind him. 

"I know. Just please, leave me alone for a little while. I really don't want to look at you right now." He said, dropping his head in his hands.

"Alex--"

"If you love me, you'll let me think."

Thomas inhaled sharply. "All right. I understand. I'll be at my house if you need me."

Thomas spun around on his heels and reached for the doorknob, however, he paused when his finger tips brushed against the cold metal.

"I love you, Alex."

"Get out."

****

It was 3:31 in the morning when Thomas was woken up by a plinking at his window. There were three separate clinks that followed suit. Thomas rubbed his eyes sleepily and yawned. He swung his legs around the side of his bed and stood up, stetching his arms up into the air.

Another crack at his window startled him. He knew who it was, obviously, but he didn't know why the man was awake and outside his house at such an ungodly hour.

Thomas went over to his window and opened it, but the man on the grass below was already in the process of throwing another pebble. The tiny rock smacked Thomas square in the forehead.

"Ow, what the hell Alex?"

"I didn't think that you would actually wake up. I'm sorry." Alexander said quietly.

Crickets chirped in the distance as the sound of rustling leaves filled Thomas's ears. Alexander stood there, shaking, with a messy bun supporting his hair. He wore only a tank-top and sweatpants as he shivered in the cold breeze. His face was only lit up by the pale moonlight above him, showing off his perfect skin complexion and gorgeous cheek bones.

However, streaks of dried tears stained those cheeks, and his eyes appeared to be slightly puffed up. His head hung slightly as he toyed with the bottom of his shirt.

"I'll be down in a second." Thomas said, grabbing a dark blue cardigan off of his bed post, and trotting down stairs to meet his distressed lover.

He assumed Alex would have thrown the article of clothing onto the floor in disgust, but, surprisingly, he grabbed the cardigan and slid it on immediately.

"Did you walk all the way here without shoes on?" Thomas asked, suppressing a laugh.

Alexander looked down at his bare feet. "I was kind of in a hurry. I'm sorry."

"Quit apologizing for nothing. What happened?" Thomas gently tucked a loose strand of Alexander's hair behind his ear. Hamilton grasped his wrist, and initially, Thomas thought that Alex was going to tear his hand away from his face. However, Alexander held his hand to his cheek and closed his eyes.

"I had a nightmare." He mumbled.

Thomas quirked an eyebrow. "About...?"

"Can I sit down?" Hamilton questioned shyly, releasing Thomas's hand from his grip. Thomas nodded.

They both settled down on the sofa in the darkness. Alexander felt around in front of him, clearly searching for something on the cushion. Thomas's eyes had adjusted to the lack light already, but it seemed that Alex's hadn't.

"What are you looking for?"

Alexander touched Thomas's hand.

"There you are." He assured himself as a small, relieved smile cracked across his lips.

"You're acting really strange..." Thomas concluded, intertwining their fingers cautiously.

"'m sorry." Alexander yawned. Despite his sleepy demeanor, his eyes seemed to be adjusting at a rapid pace. He scanned over Thomas's faint features. Thomas noticed this, and snapped his head to this side in some sad attempt to hide his face.

"Thomas, why didn't you turn the light on?" Alexander questioned, scooting closer to Jefferson on the couch. 

"I forgot," Thomas spat through clenched teeth. 

"Don't lie to me."

"Alex."

"All you do is li--"

"Because you said that you didn't want to look at me, okay?" Thomas hissed, then decided to continue with his rant.

"I'm trying to show you that I can listen to you for once and that I can be a good boyfriend, but you're acting really weird right now, and I think it's your way of guilt tripping me. Are you trying to make feel like a terrible person? Newsflash: I already knew that. And I t-try everyday to redeem myself for all the negative things I've said about you in the past, but I don't think I can make this one up to you. I feel bad enough, Alexander. You don't need to make me feel even worse. Y-you might as well j-just leave me already."

Jefferson felt a stray tear fall from his eye, and cascade down his cheek. He assumed it was too dark for anyone to catch this besides himself, but Alexander wiped it away with the pad of this thumb.

"Baby, no. You're far from a terrible person. I'm sorry I got mad at you last night. I forgive you for what you said, and I believe that you're truly sorry. Even though people will talk more than they already do now, it's nothing serious. People deserve to know at least something about my personal background, whether they support me or not. My ideals are based strictly on what I think is best for the nation, and they have nothing to do with my parent's abandonment. The people will understand that eventually. I think you're a great boyfriend, and I know you're trying. The dream I had helped me realize this. It made me realize how important you are to me."

Thomas was absolutely speechless for a solid minute. Alexander was clearly flushed, awkwardly tucking his hair behind his ears. He chewed at his bottom lip nervously as Thomas gawked at him.

"Well thank christ for that nightmare because I thought you were coming out here to dump me." Thomas blurted out.

Alex laughed sharply. "I guess. It was kind of traumatizing though. Like, the I'm-never kicking-you-out-of-my-house-ever-again kind of traumatizing."

Thomas grabbed the man in front of him and leaned backwards so that he was lying down on the couch while Alexander lie on his stomach in between Thomas's legs, chin propped up against his chest. Hamilton bundled the fabric of Jefferson's shirt up in one hand, and the other arm swung around the taller man's neck.

"What happened in the nightmare?" Thomas asked for the second time, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he could actually get an answer out of his boyfriend for once.

Alex immediately tensed up. Thomas brought his hand up to Hamilton's bun and undid the hair tie, letting his long hair drop down to his shoulders. He ran his slender fingers through his soft, brunette locks.

"Well, it started off and we were back at the moment when I was screaming at you to get out. I couldn't make out your face whatsoever, it was like...scribbles over a blur? But, there was no ceiling for some reason, and it was the night sky with millions of stars littering it. And a bunch of stars kept, like, burning out? I can't explain it. A few of the stars just began to flicker into the abyss like a lightbulb when it burns out. You said you loved me, and I just said to get out. And as soon as you slammed the door shut the wall wasn't there anymore and the sky only had two giant stars left in it. The sky also wasn't a dark blue anymore, it was pitch black. And you were just soullessly walking away with your back towards me and I still couldn't see your face. It was then when I realized how desperately I wanted to see your face. I called out for you but you wouldn't turn around and I felt my heart pounding in my chest as blood trailed out from each one of your steps. And blood began to seep in one area of your shirt like a bullet wound. And I was trying to go to you and to tell you that I loved you because I didn't want you to die thinking that I hated you. But my throat wouldn't open and my heart was beating so loudly, Thomas. My heart was so loud that it knocked the second star out of the sky so that there was only one left. It's so loud, Thomas, and I don't want to knock you out of the sky and be all alone ever again."

As Alexander finished, his calm facade crumbled. His light smile quivered and his heart rate increased. Soon, Alexander's entire body wracked with sobs as he cried into Thomas's shirt.

"You're such a child, my love." Thomas breathed into Alexander's shoulder. He pressed light kisses to his skin as he waited out Alexander's cries. "I'll love you no matter what you say to me. And you've made it clear that you feel the same."

Alexander nodded into Thomas's shirt as the taller man rubbed soothing circles on his back. Alexander sat back on his heels after he had regained his composure, rubbing his eyes and sniffling.

"'m sorry I'm all slobbery."

Thomas let out a high pitched laugh before bringing the smaller man's face down to kiss away all the stray tears on his cheeks. Alexander whined, grabbing Thomas's chin and tilting it lower so that their lips finally connected.

Thomas broke the kiss. "No don't kiss me I probably taste gross. I just woke up."

Alex sighed loudly to emphasize his disappointment.

"Fine, but can I sleep here?" Alex asked shyly. 

Thomas raised an eyebrow. "Did you seriouslly think that I'd make you walk back home? Of course you can stay. Let's head upstairs. The couch is kind of small."

Alexander nodded, but his stomach dropped to the ground when Thomas lifted him up in his arms.

"Stop it. I feel like a kid."

"Because you are one."

"Well that makes this relationship even more illegal than this already is."

A laugh rumbled from Thomas's throat despite the severity of the topic. He continued to carry his boyfriend up each stair, but Alexander squirmed in his hands on the third step. He reached his arm out to feel around blindly for the light switch on the wall. When he found it, he flicked it on.

"Ew Alex, I look so bad right now." Jefferson groaned in annoyance, looking down at the man in his arms, who was grinning widely.

"You look lovely." Alexander argued, reaching up to touch Thomas's face.

"You're awfully handsy today, sweetie." Thomas joked as he placed Alexander down on his sheets gently. He jogged out to the hallway to turn off the lights.

Alexander made a whine of disapproval, but relaxed as soon as Thomas climbed into bed with him.

"I'm right here, my love."

"Can you leave the lights on please?"

"Alex. I just turned them off."

"Please?" Alexander's voice choked out. Thomas sighed. He didn't want to make Alexander cry any more than he already had.

"Fine. But don't be a creep and watch me sleep."

"No promises."

Thomas retraced his steps to follow Alexander's pleas, and finally melted into his touch on the mattress.

"My electric bill is going to be so high." Thomas jarred, snuggling his chin into the top of Alexander's head.

"Oh, shut up."

Thomas let out a loud laugh and he could feel Alexander's lips curl into a smile on his neck.

"I love you." 

"I love you too. I'm sorry again for making you feel like shit."

Alexander hummed. "It's okay. You get a free pass because you're cute."

"I'm not cute. I'm hot."

"Yeah right."

"Just go to sleep already!"


End file.
